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Sunday Mercury
MANY women would jump at the chance to be with a man who preferred a fuller figure. But Lifestyle Editor ZOE CHAMBERLAIN meets one woman who was caught in a mentally abusive relationship - where her partner INSISTED she eat junk food to become obese.
Rowena Baker was a compulsive eater. If she felt stressed at work, she'd return home and plough her way through a multi-pack of crisps or a whole packet of biscuits.
Then, feeling guilty, she would turn to chocolate bars... and the weight would pile on.
In the space of five years, the secretary ballooned from a slim, athletic teenager to an 18st 8lbs woman.
'What I ate was totally dependent on my emotions and had nothing to do with whether I was hungry or not,' says Rowena, now 25.
'I would fill myself with carbohydrates - comfort food like toast, cake and chocolate - until I was so stuffed I thought I might literally burst.
'Then I'd wait for the feeling that I was going to be sick to pass and I'd start all over again.
'I hardly thought about what I was doing until I looked at myself in the mirror and saw how big I looked.
'The fat wasn't just on my hips and stomach but on my arms and legs, too.
'I knew my over-eating had to end.' In March 2002 Rowena, from Stirchley, Birmingham, sought the help of city hypnotherapist Sheila Jones who had previously helped her to quit smoking.
'It was only when I was under hypnosis that I opened up to reveal the root of my problem,' she said.
'I was in a relationship with a man who actually liked bigger women,only I didn't really realise it at the time.
'He would insist I avoided healthy food, like my mum's meat and two veg meals. Instead he'd encourage me to pig out on junk food with him.
'But he would then criticise me for being overweight, whichwouldmakeme feel sad and eat more. It was a vicious circle.
'I've since discovered this behaviour of rewarding and criticising is a common method of breaking a person down emotionally.
'He certainly did that to me.'
Rowena realised she had to end her relationship if she were to stop piling on the pounds, so she dumped her boyfriend.
But the damage was already done. Her eating habits had become so ingrained she would often find herself eating awhole cake when she meant to have only a slice.
But slowly, over time, hypnosis and 'selfvisualisation' helped her to stop and think before she ate and she began instinctively choosing healthier options.
'I started kung fu, went to the gym more often and began cycling,' Rowena said.
'My body and mind were telling me I wanted to be healthier so I continued to eat the right things and exercise.
'I realised my compulsive eating had been a mask for how I was really feeling about things. Eating was my way of wrapping myself up in cotton wool and feeling safe.
'As part of my therapy, I used visualisation which involves lookingback at emotionaltimes in my life by imagining particular scenes on a TV screens. I could then visualise turning the screens on or off and control my emotions - and my eating.
'By using this method and hypnotherapy, my self-discipline became stricter and the weight seemed to fly off.
'Everyone was screaming at me: 'You've lost so much weight!'.
'But I couldn't really see it myself at first, except for the fact my clothes were getting so loose. In fact, my trousers were nearly falling down!'
Losing the first stone was a memorable milestone for Rowena.
She said: 'I was absolutely elated as I realised it really was working.
'As I became slimmer I started to look back at my life. I saw the photos and the clothes I used to wear and thought none of it looked like me.'
Today, Rowena has slimmed down to just over 14 stone and has gone from a size 24 to a 16.
'In just over two years, I've lost over four stone,' she said.
'At last I can go into high-street shops and be able to choose from a wide range of clothes.
'Yet as ayoungwoman I only hada choice of a few dresses - which looked like tents!'
Rowena is now happy with her figure and her life as a young single woman.
She said: 'I shall continue eating sensibly and exercising.
'I'd still like to lose a little more weight but I have no intention of trying to become really thin like Geri Halliwell because that just isn't me.
'I see myself as more of a figure like Martine McCutcheon.
'I'm thrilled to feel more like the slim, sporty person I used to be.'
Hypnotherapist Sheila Jones, who runs a practice in Boldmere, Sutton Coldfield, says: 'People can lose weight through dieting. But if they don't look at the reason why they are over-eating, they tend to find they pile the weight back on.'
AndsheaddedRowenahadmade exactly the right decision to end her destructive relationship.
She said: 'People with low self-esteem tend to attract others with low self-esteem. In these relationships you find one person is the bully and the other is the pleaser.
'The pleaser - more often the woman - will do anything the bully wants, even if it means putting on far too much weight.
'In cases like Rowena's, men often like their women to become overweight because they are scared they will go off elsewhere if they are thin and gorgeous.
'The fatter the woman gets, the safer he feels. 'In the end, the pleaser has to realise that, no matter how huge she becomes, her man will never be happy.
'Rowena has been fantastic in her drive to lose weight. She was open to any suggestions I gave her and was thrilled when she found they were working for her.
'She's a much more positive woman now.'