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Sunday Mercury
LIVING: Real Lives: IT HAPPENED TO ME... PANIC TOOK CONTROL AND I THOUGHT I WAS DYING
Panic attacks nearly ruined student Alison Atterbury's life. Here Alison, now aged 22 and of Great Barr, Birmingham, explains how she eventually conquered her demons - through hypnotherapy.
SITTING in the crowded lecture room, I felt a pounding in my chest. My heart was beating so loudly I was surprised people near me couldn't hear it!
But, looking around, I could tell that everyone else was oblivious to my plight.
It sounds irrational but for those few horrible moments I was convinced that I was going to die. My chest tightened as I struggled to breathe and I knew that if I didn't get out I was going to suffocate.
Dashing out of the lecture room, I headed for the fresh air outside the building and I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.
I'd been having these panic attacks for weeks now, but I had no idea what was causing them.
They'd started during the second term of my new course in medical sciences at Birmingham University. Every time I was in a lecture or on a crowded train I'd have difficulty breathing.
It would start off with breathlessness, then I'd begin to feel my heart racing as my head filled with thoughts of suffocating. Next I would feel dizzy and my legs would go to jelly.
I felt that I was trapped in a vicious circle. I knew I was working myself up more and more but I couldn't stop the feelings of panic overwhelming me.
But perhaps the hardest thing of all was trying to explain to my friends and loved ones what was happening to me. The only person who really understood was my boyfriend Steve who'd suffered from nervousness in the past.
A panic attack is one of the most terrifying things I have experienced. I knew it made no sense but nothing seemed to help me snap out of it.
Finally I went to see my GP who prescribed beta blockers to stop my heart from racing - but the more I took them, the more convinced I became that they could kill me!
So in the bin they went. After eight weeks off university, I knew my studies were being seriously affected. I was working at home but there was no way I could keep up without attending my lectures.
It hurt me to think that the majority of my friends thought I was skiving.
Their concerned phone calls began to filter out and I felt really isolated.
My GP suggested that I went to see a counsellor but by the end of my second session I felt completely disillusioned.
He spent the whole time trying to tell me what I already knew - that I was being irrational and my symptoms couldn't kill me - but he never really got to the root of the problem.
I began feeling more depressed and lonely, rarely leaving the house. I was beginning to feel that my life was over and there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
Then one day I HAD to brave the outside world after being summoned into university to explain my absence. The tutor didn't really understand my problems but on my way home I was given fresh hope.
Walking past a newsagents, I noticed a card in the window advertising hypnotherapy. I plucked up the courage to speak to therapist Sheila Jones and a week later I went for my first consultation.
As I lay on the couch, Sheila started to talk me through my problems. I was fully aware of what I was saying but it felt as if I was dreaming.
As we talked, I revealed to Sheila that I'd been very upset after my grandad had died. That was six months before the panic attacks started.
At the time everyone else had cried but I'd just bottled it up and the fact that I'd never had a chance to say goodbye had preyed on my mind.
Sheila said she thought this could be the cause of my problems. I can't explain why but the minute I left the session I felt as if a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
My parents couldn't believe the change in me and, best of all, I was beginning to go out again.
After a second consultation, I felt ready to face university just in time to get in enough work for my exams. When I passed it was the beginning of a new era for me and my friends now understood that I wasn't just being lazy.
Now I've completed my degree and I'm going to do a PhD. After the hypnotherapy I feel that nothing can hold me back. I have been given my life back again.
As told to SOFIE WARD.